Thanks again for the comments. It is a boost to know that I am not the only one out here.
So. Last weekend went really well. Lots of red wine and red wine enthusiasts. Except me, of course. I'm a wine philistine. One drink and I'd be under the table. Or maybe on top of it.. Anyway, I just stuck to the cranberry and soda water. Good time was had by all, both at the banquet on Friday and again at our house on Saturday night. Prime rib dinner with all the trimmings and Grand Marnier Creme Brulee for dessert. Anyone want to come for dinner?
It took me a few days to recover. I felt bad when I was still looking at the dirty wine glasses that wouldnt fit in the dishwasher on Tuesday. So, Tuesday night at around 1 am I finally had an energy breakthrough and cleaned the kitchen top to bottom, then moved on to the china cabinets and cleaned them out. I was on a streak until 3:30 am, then I crashed. Couldn't sleep because of the pain, got some extra get up and go because of the painkillers. I also had a good talk with the edge of the abyss that night. Anyone else have their regular battles with the darkness? The antidepressants helped for a while, but when the pain keeps at you non-stop, the darkness creeps back, no matter what the dose of the happy pill. That option of stepping over the edge is always just at the back of my mind. Intellectually I couldn't do it to husband and kids, but in the middle of incredible pain, you can't help but wish it would all just go away.
I guess it's like that for many out there. It just takes a bit of strength to get through the bad parts. As long as I know that the pain will get better in a bit, I can get through.
I had a call yesterday from the MS Clinic in town. I'd asked my Dr. to refer me again so I could talk to the neurologist about some new Rx for fatigue and pain that I'd read about. Actually, I tried to make the appointment myself a couple of weeks ago, as I'd always done in the past. It's been around 4 years since I was last there because no new or weird symptoms have shown up for me and my GP is pretty good at managing the day to day stuff. Anyway, I was told when I phoned that they were not taking any new patients, but that I could probably get in with a referral from my GP since I am a past patient. Can you imagine an MS Clinic that isn't taking any new patients? Well, the referral worked, because I now have an appointment.. for next March. Seriously.
And I had phoned the local MS Society to see about joining a support group. I haven't been in one since before the girls were born. I did for a while, but then just got on with life and didn't see the need for it. Now I do.. and the MS Society say they have NO groups in this area. So, what is the purpose of their office, then?
Seriously. Again. I'm just so underwhelmed by the caring.
I called in sick to work today. The fatigue did hit me hard this week (which is why I'd like to see someone about it). If I could find a way to manage it, working would be a snap. I enjoy it. I like the people I work with. I just find it hard to drag through a 10 hour shift when my body is screaming for sleep. And I look fine, so it must be hard for the others to understand, even though they seem to get it. They look at me funny if I am limping by the end of the day and ask what I've done to myself. Well.. nothing. I usually just answer that I'm old and stiff. Smile and carry on.
Regularly I don't whine this much, but since it's possible that I'm the only one that will read these, I can let loose with whatever is on my mind.
On another track, I haven't started Christmas shopping yet. I made lists last night of everyone that I need to do something for. That started a wee bit o' panic, but I'll get over it. Fortunately, I have the world's best recipe for fudge and flavoured sugars, and those make the best hostess/neighbour gifts for all those that show up around the holidays with gifts. Rob and I plan to go shopping next Saturday night after I'm done working. Send the kids to Grandma's for the night again and we'll have dinner and hit some stores. Hopefully with his help I can get most of it done that night. And we've decided just to do stockings for each other this year, to simplify things. Really, anything that we want we can get for ourselves anyway. I just hope he sticks to his promise.
Off to search for interesting gift ideas.